Dating can feel extremely discouraging at times. You have to sift through countless profiles, meet new people, and navigate all kinds of emotions and situations. When you do finally click with someone, it can be tempting to want to jump all in right away.
It can be easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship, especially if you have been single for a while. However, there are definitely risks to rushing into a relationship.
How To Know If You’re Rushing A Relationship
Before you dive head-first into a long-term relationship, here are eight red flags that the relationship is moving too fast.
You Feel Uncomfortable
‘Butterflies’ in your stomach is a common feeling to have during the honeymoon phase of a relationship. During this time, it is important to slow down and really ask yourself if the butterflies are caused by excitement or anxiety. Check-in with how your body and mind are feeling.
It may be anxiety if:
- You don’t feel like you can be your authentic self around this person.
- You are engaging in people-pleasing behavior.
- You don’t feel totally safe around this person because you don’t know them very well.
- You don’t feel comfortable speaking your mind.
The Exclusivity Talk Arrives Quickly
There is no single consensus on how long you should wait until you become exclusive. Your motto here is to go slow and get to know. Enjoy this time getting to know the other person.
A general rule of thumb is to wait about three months before deciding to get exclusive. If you want to dive right in, this can feel like forever. But, if this truly is “the one”, three months is nothing compared to the entire lifetime you could have together. Do not rush and do not push for exclusivity before you both are really ready.
The L-Word Comes Way Too Soon
There is a fine line between hormone-induced lust and true love. In reality, “love at first sight” is a total myth, and falling in love takes time. The relationship moves to a whole new level when someone first says “I love you”. If the other person isn’t ready to hear it yet, it can scare them away.
Sharing Too Much Too Quickly
Oversharing is another key sign you may be rushing a relationship. When you start to date someone, it is important to strike a balance between getting to know each other and sharing every single detail about your life. Even if both of you want to share absolutely everything with each other, you don’t know yet whether you can trust them.
It can be dangerous sharing too much information too quickly with a romantic partner before you’ve had the chance to build a strong foundation. It is like giving someone a key to a box that contains all the information someone needs to manipulate you. Until this person has proven themselves trustworthy, do not hand them over the keys.
Important Conversations Are Pushed Off
It takes time to figure out whether someone is truly compatible with you or not. If things are moving fast in a relationship, there is obviously passion there. However, there is no way to know if you are getting into a healthy relationship unless you have some important conversations:
- What are your long-term plans for the future? Are your goals aligned?
- What are your relationships like with friends and family?
- How does each of you handle disagreements?
- What are your love languages? What do you expect from your romantic partners?
- Do your core values align?
Boundaries Are Non-Existent
Boundaries help to separate ourselves from the other people in our lives. Setting and sticking to boundaries helps us maintain our autonomy and preserve our mental health. We get to define the kinds of treatment we will and will not accept from others.
It is impossible to build a healthy relationship without setting healthy boundaries. If you don’t set boundaries with your romantic partner, it will be more difficult for you to distinguish your emotions from theirs. Boundaries prevent you from rushing into a relationship, and losing your sense of self.
Texting All The Time
Is your new romantic interest constantly checking up on you? Are you constantly checking up on them by texting them all day? While having open communication is great in the early stages of dating, texting all the time is not in your best interest for a couple of reasons:
- Texting all the time means you have no time to miss each other.
- You lose the sense of mystery by being in constant communication.
- If you’re always on your phone, you aren’t staying present in the moment.
- You may run out of things to talk about when you meet up in person again – save it for face-to-face conversation!
- If you are always thinking about each other, you could get sick of one another pretty quickly. As they say, the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
How to Prevent Rushing Into a Relationship
All this advice is well and good before you get into a relationship. But what do you do if you are currently in a rushed relationship? There are a few different things you can try:
- Have an honest conversation with your partner. Tell them you feel like you are rushing into things, and set boundaries.
- Tell them you need to take a break so you can sort through your emotions.
- Stick to going on one or two dates each week for a while, and enjoy the time to yourself.
- Stay in the present moment. Don’t plan too far into the future with this person just yet.
- Maintain your own sense of independence by hanging out with your own friends and doing activities you like doing.
- Save your communication for when you are in person.
- If you feel like the relationship is unsalvagable or unhealthy, remember that you can choose to move on.